I have tried to sit down and write this entry for several days now and have had a difficulty finding the words. For those with children with special needs or additional education the title is something you may know about...for the rest of us I will simply say this is Nathan's current diagnosis.
Worse case scenario...he will have an official Bi-Polar diagnosis by the time he is in middle elementary. Best case scenario...he simple has a chemical imbalance that will cause his moods to fluctuate from time to time. (Us woman have no idea what that is like...hahahah) And then there is everything in between. It is a sobering and scary diagnosis all in one. Sobering because finally we have at least some idea what is going on with our sweet boy and scary because at times his future seems so unpredictable. Mind has been racing...are we the best equipped to be his parents? Is this the best family dynamic for him? Are there people out there with more training and education available to meet all his needs? What is God's will?
We of course are not making any rash decisions and now that I have said that I don't want anyone jumping to conclusions that we do not want him in our family...because we do, but it is hard sometimes to understand mental illness and forecast the long term. If we deny ourselves even asking these questions than I think we are not allowing God to work on our hearts either. I have every desire to spend time in intense prayer, seeking God's will in all this. His will may very well be that He wants him with us but what if it's not? Oh the dilemma of free will. What if there is not "wrong" answer? What if God says either one is a path I desire for you to take but the growth and overall outcome on you life will be dramatically different...and I mean that in the positive. What if He has significant growth in either option? Ugh....see my frustration? And with all these questions the last thing I want is to act or not act out of fear. Nathan's diagnosis at this point seems treatable with medication, which is such a positive result right now. Will it always be treatable? Will he always take his medication correctly? Here I go again...asking questions that just lead my mind around and around.
I guess this is just another opportunity for prayer and waiting. We have not had any pressure to make his adoption final so we feel very blessed that God is giving the time we may need to uncover more layers of our little onion. So now, we spend the next 3 mths monitoring medication and watching his behavior very close to make sure we are on the right path. Ultimately we want him to feel good about himself, have success in school (and life for that matter) and be a happy little boy. If you feel lead, please feel free to join us on prayer and I will be happy to update you with any progress and if you have any advice or expertise to offer I am always available to learn more and more. What a blessing to be given such a beautiful little boy to care for.
1 comment:
I am weaping with you, and join you in praying. God knew Nathan's trials when He knit him together, and when He placed Him in your arms. I am continually reminded of my dependency upon the Lord, through this foster care, adoption, parenting walk. I am also reminded when I am fearful of what might be, that God gives grace in the moment, not in the projection. He will use it all for our good and His glory, even this. :) I am so thankful for His grace in Your lives and for the amazing love He has given you and Shane for these little ones.
In Him,
erica
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