Halloween Fun 2009

Praise

This morning started off like any other morning...baby wakes, gets bottle and I drink a cup of coffee, but God had other plans for today...extraordinary ones! I checked my email around 6:45am and found what we have been waiting 3.5 long weeks for...a decisive decision from the judge. He ruled that Nathan is a dependent of the state. He ruled specifically that his parents have to now follow CPS requirements to be reunified with their boys. Long story short...He is in our home for a while longer...he is in no danger of having a tramatic experience. He will have the opportunity to be evaluated by professionals to determine what is in his best interest and he is lovedby our Heavenly Father. Our King of Kings has saved him for now and we get to celebrate his birth next week filled with joy and peace. Thank you to all who have prayed and supported us in this process so far...many more steps in the journey but today, we rejoice!

Why is it always a lesson on waiting...

Well, here we are, 3.5 weeks after our dependency trail for Nathan and his brothers and we still have no decision from the judge. Could he really take the full 60 days to make this decision? My goodness...I hate waiting. God knows that and still finds it acceptable to teach me to wait....ok and draw nearer to Him and so on. Some days, some moments in a day, I have peace about this whole situation...and then there are those restless times too. Like today, I get a call from the casework that his mom has mailed a Halloween package, with candy and a shirt to him. (She is bringing it over this afternoon) Great!?!?!?! So many conflicting emotions all at once. Great, she is showing interest and buying him things. Not great that I have to 'share' him with her now. Great, that she is obviously thinking of him. Not great, that he has no idea who she is and how do I explain this to an almost 3yr old. Ok, now my tummy hurts....hahahah! But seriously, it is surreal being in this place where for 2.5 yrs I was his only mom, and not 1 month after she is released I am sharing him with her. (a bit humbling too) And then there was Baby Dedications at church last week, which by the way I LOVED the way we did it this time...goose bumps the whole time. My heart wanted to jump up and stand proud on the stage with this sweet boy, dedicating him to the Lord, because really through all this, I am learning more and more that he is not my child, but God's. I wanted to put him on that 'altar' in loving sacrafice to my Jesus and say out loud to the world, "Yes, he belongs to YOU and yes, I will care for him for what ever time he is with me!" In that moment I realized that every morning I can lay Nathan on that altar and give him to God, because every morning I have to give up my fear that I may actually loose my son. The son God gave in birth through another mother, but gave a life through me. This boy...my son in my heart will be 3 next week, and his future is truly in the hands of our Lord. I cannot think about too many days in the future at one time because frankly, I am taking one day at a time...he is here today...hopefully tomorrow, not sure about any other days ahead, and that makes me cry. So waiting is what we have been doing...waiting still is what we continue to do. Praying constantly about having peace and sucking as much joy out of each day as we can. Hug your children a little longer for time is flying by...

Lord, as each day passes doubt and fear seems to grow. I pray that those seeds dry out and blow away in the breeze because they have no place in my heart. I pray desperatly for this boy, whom you have loved completely and whom you desire to save. I lay him down before your feet in complete surrender to you and your will. He is yours, take him, protect him...save him, he is your son.

Second Annual 'Pizza and Pumpkins' Night

Before and after...the kids had a great time and once again the big kids did most of the carving on their pumpkins. We are not sure they will last until Sat. night but the fun family time with cousins makes it worth it.

Now, that is a PUMPKIN!

Thank you Aunt Tess for this enormous pumpkin! The kids are over the top excited to have one a giant as this. (and the picture doesnt really do it justice) We finally pulled out the scale last night...60lbs!!! Should make for a great carving session next week!

Fall cabin trip, Oct 2009

Catching some fall these past few days up north at the cabin has been fun and relaxing...for the most part. Shane stayed home at work while I and my mom ventured up the hill. Being solo is definatly more work and yet I am so glad we went. I will be taking more little trips like this next summer if I can. The high never got above 65 and the low was 42 this morning. The breeze blew through the cabin and filled it with fresh, fall air. The leaves were at what I would call 'peak' for AZ as some began dropping already. Mostly yellow and orange but the few red trees stood out among all the others. I did my best to take some fun pictures and my mom has even more on her camera so I may add another post with some of hers...she captured several cool campfire and group shots which actually include me and the baby. Enjoy a taste of fall!!!

First Cereal

We started cereal with a spoon today for the first time. She thought is was a game and after a few bites wasn't interested anymore. We will keep plugging along and start foods in the next few weeks. Such a big girlie!!!

Boys away, Girls play

We put the little ones to bed and made chocolate chip cookie together! Tall glass of milk, warm cookies, and melted chocolate...make for a perfect night.

Life is a high way, I want to ride it all night long

Nathan got this great trike for Christmas this past year and in the last two weeks has finally mastered peddling. Now that it is cool he spends just about every waking moment outside riding it. Around and around the patio and even into the grass. His biggest accomplishment was riding his trike around the block with the family. Getting to be a big boy!

Taking some time...

Yes, we had our big court hearing and all day trial yesterday...no, not exactly how we hoped it would go. I have so much swirling around in my head so please be patient, I will post is a few days when things have settled down for me. Bottom line...He is here today...dont know what tomorrow brings, but today is enough for us. Love and hugs to all...so humbled by the love poured on us over the past two weeks. Thank you

Morning Snooze

needed a quick rest before 'real' playing begins for the day

5mths

This sweet babe will be 5mth on Wed...can you believe it? She is adorable and trying to chew anything she can...fingers, toys, shoulders...you name it. She is a little over 14lbs and smiles constantly. Her eyes are my favorite thing about her. Those big brown eyes give off so much life.

Psalm 46

"God is our refudge and strength,

an ever present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way

and the moutains fall into the heart of the sea,

though its waters roar and foam

and the mountains quake with their surging.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,

and holy places where the Most Hig dwells.

God is with her, she will not fall:

God will help her at break of day.

Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;

he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

The LORD Almighty is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Come and see the works of the LORD,

the desolation he had brought on the earth.

He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;

he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,

he burns the shields with fire.

'Be still and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth.'

The LORD Almighty is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress."

As I opened my bible this morning to prepare for our sermon, this is where I first opened...after as I was warpping up my notes I opened it again to this same place. Again, my Lord has not forgotten me. He is faithful to meet my need for comfort and peace. He is ever present  in my life...He is my GOD!

Covered by His wings

This has been a reoccuring theme for me this week as I desperatly try to put my anxiety aside and TRUST in the Lord completely. God has not failed me this week...as usual. He knew I would be picking up Beth Moore's bible study after the semester started and yet He had specifically picked this past week to be the lesson I needed more than anything. Amazing how His timing is so perfect. Beth included an example from a book by Donald Barnhouse, Let Me Illustrate that brought me to my knees and I had one those 'ugly cries'. But I emerged refreshed...renewed...encouraged...

"In pioneer days, wood-buring locomotives frequently sparked fires. Wheat ripens eoungh to burn 10-15 days before it is ripe to cut, and sometimes the fires swept wheat fields for 10 miles. A farmer saw billows of smoke in the distane and knew his house, barn, and surrounding building were in danger. He set backfires and burned his own wheat fields in a circle so that when the great fire met the place he had burned, it passed around and went on. With that backfire the farmer saved his building but lost his crop. As he walked the burned field grieving, he saw the charred body of a hen. He tipped the hen over with the toe of his boot, and out ran a dozen little chicks. Because the mother's burned body was over them, the chicks lived. Because she had been willing to die, those under the cover us her wings would live."

This still brings me to tears...BUT amazed by His awesome power. Thank you to all of my dear friends and family in Christ that have lifted us, our children in prayer this week. We are feeling the power of God surround and encourage us. Is is still very hard, and filled with fear...YES, because we have an enemy willing to make it hard, but we have an even more determined Father who was burned so that we be protected and live.

"Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you and your right hand upholds my." Psalm 63:7-8