Pizza + Popcicles = Picnic

3 Weeks

Leeah is three weeks today. She is a very good baby, my only complaint is that I would love for her not to wake up around 3:30am and stay awake until about 6:00am. Since the other kids are getting up around 6:00am it makes for a long day for me. She is begining to fill out and this is a sweet picture of her in the sling I borrowed from a friends and she LOVES it! I am finally able to get a few things done while strapping herself to me. As far as the sickel cell stuff the Dr and I are playing phone tag so when I know more you will know more, regardless she is lovable and we couldn't really enjoy her any more.

Sickle Cell

I received some potentially devastating news today. All newborns get a blood screen in the hospital and then they send home a lab sheet to do a follow up blood screen with in the first week, well I received a letter today from the AZ Dept of Health Service stating that Leeah is testing positive with either Sickle Cell Disease or Sickle Cell Trait. We have to go and get more blood tests to confirm the screening done two weeks ago. In addition, I am asking the doctor to test Ayana too because I have no idea if she tested positive at birth. I would hope their Mom would have passed that kind of information but I also feel like I need to be proactive and hopefully rule it out. So much running through my mind right now. This is a horrible disease and I am just praying that she is only a carrier. If she is only a carrier than she will need to have her husband tested and receive some genetic testing/counselling prior to having babies. I have to be careful not to let my imagination go too far down the path with either scenerio because I could make myself very depressed. So, for now I am going to be on my knees and start reading and researching this disease. I would covet prayers from all of you too.

Ready, Set, Summer!

Summer is here! Jacob and Samantha both finished school last week and now I am going to attempt to keep these kids busy for the next three months. Jacob does start soccer camp tomorrow for two weeks and then they have VBS for a whole week. Samantha is happy and content to be at home and play. We have several court dates throughout the summer as we discover God's direction for both Nathan and Ayana. So, welcome in the heat, swimming and long days of summer...
Thanks Mom for this great picture of the kids and I...you know I dont have too many that I am actually in.

Raise me up...

After a couple of emotionally disappointing days dealing with CPS and trying to work out custody of Nathan, getting lost and never making it to a dinner Fri night, and a hubby's stinging words, I hit my breaking point...unleash the tears. My emotions are still so raw and if I don't keep myself distracted the tears begin again, but my ever faithful Father, who feels my pain, always finds a way to show me a glimmer of His light. While driving home last night after getting lost in Scottsdale it was all quiet in the car and Klove was playing softly. The announcer came on and talked about how this world and the work of Satan uses words of defeat and untruth to tear up down, but God gives us the power to combat those lies. The ironic thing is a friend had said almost those same words to me on the phone not 20 min. earlier and then a song...you know, the kind of song God is playing for you and only you, He is reaching His hand down from heaven to touch the hurt and give you peace.

"When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary,

When troubles come, and my heart burdened by,

Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,

until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains,

you raise me up, so I can walk on stormy seas,

I am strong, when I am on your shoulders,

You raise me up, to more than I can be.

There is not life, no life without its hunger,

Each restless heart beats so imperfectly,

But when you come I am filled with wonder,

Sometimes I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains,

you raise me up, so I can walk on stormy seas,

I am strong, when I am on your shoulders,

You raise me up, to more than I can be."

Of course this song is so much more powerful when listening to it, the raw, pure emotion the music stirs, how can there be any doubt that God himself is right there, next to you, walking with you in the midst of your suffering. Does this song miraculously change the current circumstance, no, but through my tears He is wrapping His arms around me and whispering in my ear that everything will be alright. It is moments like this that I wish would just be easier and that I could look through a crystal ball, see how God is going to work everything the way we hope, but as we all know, what would be the point of faith. So what is the "truth"? The truth is God placed Nathan in our home, He WILL take care of him and protect him and we have to trust that God's plan is for Nathan to stay with us forever, and this "mama bear" is going to fight for him right along side our LORD.

Cooling down

On a hot summer day sometimes all you need is a drink!

Growing up too fast

It is a mother's right to claim that her child is growing up too fast and I am making that claim today! He sure is handsome!

Precious

I picked up Leeah (That's what Ayana calls her, so we are too) one week ago today. She is such a good baby and although the tiredness has caught up to me I feel good after having a nap today. We are all enjoying having such a sweet baby in our home.

"Congratulations on your baby"

These are the words I have been hearing over and over. People passing by or in the grocery store always admire such a little tiny baby and their last words are always "congratulations". I find myself frozen in awkwardness over hearing those words and trying to think of a way to respond. "Thank you", I guess is ok, but for what, I did not birth her and those words sort of imply ownership. "She's not mine, she's a foster child", is another response and yet people are taken back by those words and the awkwardness continues. It is strange, even a little weird caring for someone else's newborn. She is sweet and she is so little and I would love to claim her but it just doesn't feel right. I can snuggle her, kiss on her soft cheeks and reassure her over and over that she is loved but there is this distance between us...she is not mine, she belongs to someone else. I often find my self wondering if that will change. I took her to a visit with her Mom yesterday and it was nice to see her Mom touch her hands so tenderly and yet so sad to take the baby from her arms 2hours later. She is a child of God and regardless of her living situation, He is taking care of her, but there is very little "congratulations" involved with this story.

The Master planner/organizer

God's way is the better way...this has spiritual and now very literal meaning. He designed having children with a plan...9mths of preparation and organizing as the little one prepares for life. I think He has the right idea. My brain is a bit fuzzy since the baby arrived Sat. afternoon. Yes, I did a little of wash and organizing in preparation for her but mentally, not so much. Things like a diaper bag, change of clothes while out, and their schedule were left in the back of my mind. She is actually a very predictable baby. Literally wakes up to eat, poop and eat again. She does not cry for anything other than food and sleeps very well, but the things I forgot is what time she would wake up, like 4:30am and then go down for a nap around 6:00am just as everyone else is getting up for the day. Am I tired, yes, but in a good way. Her arrival has made me appreciate the fact that when Jacob and Samantha were born, they came into a two parent, lovingly prepared family and that was a great way to start! This whole experience is not at all what I expected. While I have been praying and praying for her over the past month nothing could have prepared my heart for the actual picking up of this baby from the hospital. I was met with a police escort and left with one too. Yes a baby is a blessing and God certainly has a plan for her life, but there is a level of deep sadness surrounding my heart for her and her mom. I guess it helps to keep proper perspective and not let "baby love" go to my head. Her future is so uncertain and today everyone involved with the case is meeting to make some big decisions, for her to stay here or go back with dad. Praise God for an amazing sermon on contentment because I am choosing to be content with what ever the circumstance...whether she is here tomorrow or not does not change the fact that she is here today! Our LORD has His precious hands all over her and He is going to keep her safe where ever she is, what amazing truth!
UPDATE: The baby will be in our home indefinatly at this point. Praise God for taking such perfect care of her. (7:00pm, 5/12)

Stating the Obvious

Nathan is in this amazing stage with his vocabulary where he insists on stating the obvious over and over and over...examples below...

"Mom, Jacob at school." (As Jacob is droppped off)

"Mom, Ayana at school." (As Ayana is dropped off)

"Mom, that McDonno's." (As we pass McDonalds)

And last but not least this happened today...

"Mom, you on the toilet." (As he walked by me in the bathroom this morning)

My responses to all his statements of truth..."Yes that's right babe."

Happy Mother's Day

I am so blessed by my family...special lunch and a quiet afternoon as a family. I couldn't ask for anything more. Thank you kiddos and hubby!

6lbs of Love

A bittersweet afternoon at the Self House. I received a call yesterday from our caseworker that Ayana's mom had her baby on Thursday. She said she put us down as placement and we may receive a call sometime this weekend when she is discharged from the hospital. That call came around 2:00pm this afternoon...little Aalyiah (pronounced Ah-Lee-Ah) was ready to come home. She is a sweet, little bundle of God's love! She looks a lot like Asjiah and we have been home for almost 2 hours. Why bittersweet...as I was waiting in the car for the phone call from the CPS worker to come get the baby, I prayed and prayed. I am here to take a baby away from her mother the day before Mother's Day. The pain of the reality stings deep in the heart. Yes, her mother has been making choices that have led up to this but it still such a sad event. I would never wish this on anyone.



As the dust has settled in the past couple hours I am happy to have her here and Ayana fell in love immediatly. She proudly said, "that's my sister!". After speaking with the caseworker yesterday evening the question of how long she will be here is up in the air. Her Dad was also at the hospital and not happy with the removal and if he "checks out" ok she will probably go be with him. (Her Dad is different that Ayana's) We are just blessed to have her here as long as God has planned.



If you have a few moments please just pray right now for Aalyiah's Mom and her grief over the loss. Pray that God would bring Christian women into her life and she would be spurred to change in her life.



Thank you Jesus for this precious gift, she is your baby and we are blessed to have the responsisbility of caring for her. Amen

Caliente

splash wars!

Wonder what they are thinking about?

Another year older and way more brave!

Gorgeous!

Getting hot, time to swim!

PS Samantha was at a play date and missed this first swim of the season, but not to worry, many more in the days ahead!

Mother's Tea

Samantha's preschool teacher is so sweet to have the kids to a Mother's Tea to celebrate their Moms. What I love most is her emphisis on "serving your Mom". They each went and got our dessert and served it to each of us with big smiles! She also asked each child what they love about their Mom...Samantha said "I love that she took me to CA and Legoland and bought me a mermaid at Sea World." That trip in March was something special and she asks once a week when we can go back. I love my sweet girl!

My favorite dessert....yummy!

This is the gift she and her Dad made for me at their "Father's Night" a couple of weeks ago!

Girl Cousins

My greatest hope for these cousins is that they would grow up being wonderful friends to eachother, and with one more little girl coming in Sept. there will be plenty of opportunites for sleep overs and mall trips in the future!

Sisters

I am having so much fun with two girls and dressing them with either matching or coordinating outfits. These two just crack me up with their smiles and sweetness. Thanks to Aunt Kimmie for making these clothes, they absolutly adore their outfits.

Air in the lungs

Poor Nathan...we had to make a trip to the PCH Urgent care tonight. He went down hill fast with regards to his breathing and was officially diagnosed as "Asthma Exacerbation". He was having a diffuclt time trying to catch his breath but after a couple hours and multiple breathing treatments he was much improved. I have to get up every 3 hours to give him a treatment so it is back to "newborn" schedule tonight. He is still a bit inflammed in his lungs but is so much better. Shane and Nathan were playing "doctor" while we waited between treatments. He is so funny when he feels better.

Girl Time

Samantha and I went to the AZ Youth Museum on Wed together for her last field trip of the year. I just live this girl!!!