I got back from taking Ayana for her final visit with her birth mom. Weird! It seems strange to even start refering to her as 'birth mom' but that is the reality now as we go forward. It was a bit surreal to see 6 children, 5 of which have a level of understand about what severance means. I am conflicted in many different ways. There is a very big part of me that is happy this good bye visit is over, it feels like we can finally move on to creating our new story. BUT, I also have sorrow for birth mom and reality hit her smack in the face today....this is forever!
We desire nothing more than to raise a daughter to be secure in who she ha been created to be by the Master, and secure in the family He gave her. We have had numerous converations lately about her 'tummy mommy'. (That is an easy way for a 3yr old to understand the difference in her mommys) I tell her over and over that God placed her in her tummy mommy's belly and grew her in our hearts. She smiles but not sure she gets it. This will be an on-going, evolving conversation as the years progress. She believes we are her family and does not yet understand what adoption means. I pray I can be there for her when she finally gets it and needs to grieve her loss. I made sure I took my camera today so when that day comes I will have a picture of her birth mom to show her. I also received a letter from the case worker today. It is from her paternal grandmother. She wrote a letter to each child telling them she was so happy they had safe, secure and loving homes to grow up in now. She wants to be updated once a year but also has a huge desire to see these kids be successful and secure...what a picture of selflessness! So here we go...forward towards adoption. We are going to be an adoptive family...crazy! We are crazy happy with the way our life as a family is evolving and humbled to be given the wonderful responsibility of another child for the rest of our lives. If you get a chance, please send up a pray of comfort for our birth mom and Ayana's 5 siblings...there are several broken hearts tonight.
1 comment:
So many feelings as I read this! Sorrow, hurt, joy but mostly faith in our amazing Lord! Life is not supposed to be like this! What a broken world, but what an amazing thing to watch him redeem a situation through awesome people that love him like you guys! We are praying for you all including birth mom! Love you and are so excited to have you be a part of this crazy adoptive world with us!
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