...words...

My bible study this semester is 100% God ordained. I have been struggling since Nov with my words...to peers, family and my children. God began preparing my heart for the deep conviction I would experience back then and He has not failed me. At times over this past week I have found myself curled up in an emotional ball of despair. I have not felt like a very kind person, or a nice mommy. I let my tongue have free reign and was content to spred the 'truth' to who ever was within ear shot. So, as God began opening my heart for what feels like monumental change He also lined up each lesson to what I needed most in the week, this past week hit like a tons of bricks. The power of my words to my children...ouch! I have discovered that the more kids I have the more I bark orders. I say please and thank you less and demand action/obedience more. I am even ashamed to say that at some moments I was prideful at the discipline I was enforcing because "I was the mom and I was in charge". Ouch again! As I read last weeks chapter and completed the lesson my heart hurt more and more. How could I speak to my kids this way? How could I expect them to obey a raging crazy person...nobody listens to barking orders.

If you ever begin to feel like your words are hurting more than healing I recommend this book...The Power of a Womans Words but Sharon Jaynes. It is powerful!!! It is convicting and it can change your life. So many things I want to share from the book, but this part spoke to me the most...

"A mother's support means a great deal to her child. She is an encourager whose voice can be heard echoing in the distance, pumping courage and confidence into her children's heart. She's the cheerleader on the sidelines who knows that an uplifting words, offered at the right moment, might make the difference between her children finishing well or collapsing along the way." (pg 60)

How powerful our words can be...to help push my child into the direction of God's lighted path or cause them to feel their way in the dark, bumping into who knows what. If I would just stop and think before I speak then I know I could use my words to be encouraging, even at times of correction. During class yesterday, our leader made a huge point about how when our kids are infants we cheer, clap and get excited over every little milestone...smiling, crawling, walking, etc. This reaction by us the parents, (me, the mother) makes them beam with pride and gives them the courage to take another step. But somewhere along the way, as they get older this reaction shifts to demands and 'why didn't you do...', or 'why do I always have to tell you to...'. I want to mimic Jesus...yes, he taught, yes, he even had hard, convicting truth to speak but always with LOVE (and out of that love, encouragment). I want to give the a healthy view of God to my kids and be the example of how He speaks to his children. I don't want them to think He is demanding, mean and expects perfection. In one moment He gave up everything on that cross so that we could have our intimate relationship with the Father and to be an example of anything else is not honoring His sacrifice. So today, I am movin on! I am making the choice to be different with my words at every moment. And since there has only been one perfect person in this world I will give myself grace when I screw it up and pick up where I was derailed. What a blessing to be able to see an area in need of change, have the tools and opportunity to change and put it into action. Awesome!

Lord, thank you for the specific challenge to change my heart. Thank you for opening my heart to your correction. Thank you for the affirmation I see even now as I begin to use my words differently. Lord, help me to not be discouraged and focus on the results but to remember that we are all walking on this path towards you. Lord you are our example of encouraging words...thank you for your living Word. Burn a passion in my heart for your truth as I pursue this challenge. Bless these children you have entrusted to us and light their fire for you. Use me to mold your truth into their hearts. Amen