Profound

We all have those moments in life that change our life or thinking dramatically. For most of us, myself included my wedding day, birth of my children and adoption day are all part of those types of moments. But there is another...one that happened 20yrs ago today.

I remember this day almost too much...the details are forever etched in my mind. I had been babysitting for a teacher friend of my mom's and had spent the night since it was easier for the mom whose husband happened to be out of town that weekend. I remember being woken with a startle from the phone ringing a little too early for my 14yr old brain. It was my mom...not sure what the lady said to me but I remember her loading up her young kids and flying me to my house. One image I can see as clear as that day was when my mom opened the front door when I got home. She was hysterical. She was bent over in agony...my grandpa had died.

Everything is a blur until we arrived at my grandparents house. I am not even sure how much time had passed but his body was still there, in the middle of the floor. I remember forming a circle with my grandma, parents and other aunts and uncles, I think, and we prayed around him. I was completely numb. I was is total shock. As a parent now I am not sure I would have let my children participate in being at the house before his body was taken but I am also so very thankful that I was. It is a strange place to be thinking about those events as an adult but seeing it all through my teenage eyes and emotions. It was such a big loss for all of us, but for my brother and I it seemed too much. We lived the closest to them and it seemed like we were there every weekend. (which of course we weren't but we loved going there as much as we could)

The next few days are a blur...the funeral was beautiful and I, along with several of the older cousins we asked to be pall bearers. Again, a great honor and such a heavy thing to absorb. I know I tried out for the freshman volleyball team and the coach was one of my favorites and although I was not very good, she knew even more that I NEEDED to be on this team at this point in my life and I could not be more thankful to her.

I can still hear my grandpa playing Phantom of the Opera on his organ in the early morning hours to wake me up when I spent the night. I cannot hear that song without memories flooding my mind. My sadness today is that my husband never got a chance to meet him...they would have been great, great friends...they are so much alike. I am a better person today because of the love and relationship I had with my grandpa for 14 yrs.

I miss you...almost every day.

PS: I totally have a Pepsi addiction because of him too! It was his favorite drink and I honor him almost daily with a can...hahahahha!!!