I am probably the worst one...seriously the worst. Anytime I have to sit and wait on God's timing, where I can't get my grubby little hands into the mix and make something...ANYTHING happen, then I am a mess all around.
My dreams are consumed with a mix of wanting a certain outcome and wanting God's will. I even start to wonder if my faith is just too small to handle the wait. That ugly little thing we call doubt creeps in ever so slightly. I question if I am actually good enough to even ask God for what I want, heck if I even deserve what I want. It's like my brain starts to take over and I cannot always stop it from going down those dark paths. I try like mad to combat these thoughts with scripture and sometimes it works...it works on a day like today.
I have not been sleeping well, another lovely side affect for me when I am waiting, and I have been spending those long hours in the night praying. Praying for God's will, praying for my heart to align with His will. Praying the answer would just come already. Praying I can handle what ever that answer is. In the midst of these poorly slept nights I also remember a book I keep at my bedside table. And to be completely honest I keep this book there to read every day, only I almost never do but sooooo want to. Today, I woke up, stared right at the book and thought, "I am reading today's devotional, and it is going to be exactly what I need!" The funny thing about such a bold statement is I hardly ever make them to myself. I tend to get my thoughts all scrambled up between truth and untruth and then the storms can really get crazy in my thoughts. Aren't you all so glad you are reading just how messed up I am? Hahahahah!!! (If I can't laugh at myself, and be honest about my struggles then I am in BIG trouble!!)
I think all the late night prayer is working because I was able to claim that brief moment of thought and I know it came from the One who has me wrapped in His arms. I snagged the book in the early morning, straining to read in the low light and realized it must be time to get up. I walked straight into the bathroom, flipped on the light and I swear my heart smiled because I knew God was going to speak to me in this exact moment and the bonus it was going to be exactly what I needed to hear to get through today...maybe even the weekend. This is what it said...
"I AM a God of both intricate detail and overflowing abundance. When you entrust the details of your life to Me, you are surprised by how thoroughly I answer your petitions. I take pleasure in hearing your prayers, so feel free to bring Me all your requests. The more you pray, the more answers you can receive. Best of all, your faith is strengthened as you see how precisely I respond to your specific prayers. Because I am infinite in all My ways, you need not fear that I will run out of resources. Abundance is at the very heart of who I AM. Come to Me in joyful expectation of receiving all you need- and sometimes much more! I delight in showering blessings on My beloved children. Come to Me with open hands and hearts, ready to receive all I have for you."
Jesus Calling, a 365-day devotional by Sarah Young
See what I mean...perfect!! What a joy to serve a God who wants to meet our needs and then some...a God who wants to answer our prayers. And although I am still waiting today I am trusting a whole lot more too! He loves me, He wants to give to me everything I desire, and He wants me to trust He knows what is best. (SIGH)!! Now that is a relief and release...maybe I will sleep well tonight too! (And if not...it is ok, I know He is working it all out in His time)
Blessing to you dear ones...
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