Chugga, chugga, choo choo

Ever since we took the light rail train to the ballpark for Opening Day Nathan has talked non-stop about trains, baseball and homeruns. He finds anything he can to line up like a train and walks around saying chugga, chugga, choo choo. These are our organizing toy bins, dumped of course, and lined up in a "train". Gotta love Ayana in the caboos doing her train horn motion. These two a hilarious!!

Happy Birthday Samantha!

Samantha has been begging to get a pedicure for about 9mths and we told her it was something very special we would do for her birthday. On Tues night her and I went to have our toes done and she liked it way too much!!! She picked a color to match her cast and I think you can see her coming a mile away with the florecent pink toes and nails. She is changing into such a big girl and it hardly seems real that she could be 6. Love you baby girl!!!

This is her giggling because it "tickled so bad" when they scrubbed her feet. I hope we make this a birthday tradition!

First day of preschool

Ayana started preschool yesterday at a local church. She will be going 2 mornings a week. She loves going to school and was excited to start. What makes the experience even better is Nathan's older brother Terrell is in her class too. I think her smiles says it all!

PS Thanks Tess for the extra pictures...they are great!

Labor Day Weekend in the pines

Ahhhhhhh is all I really have to say about being in the mountain this past weekend. We spent most of the weekend outside and LOVED every moment. We hiked, played baseball, threw the football around and enjoyed a campfire with marshmallows. This was one of the best weekends up north we have had in a really long time. The kids attitudes were amazing and I can't help but wonder if this heat makes us all grumpy sometimes. Anyway, I also took an opportunity to practice some photo shoot poses and composition. We won't be going up anytime soon since Jacob's soccer games start in a couple weeks so we just pray it starts to cool down in the valley.

Grandma with the big kiddos

Grandpa giving us some campfire tunes on his Indian flute

Painting on her new tea set she got for her birthday.

Early morning playtime while some were still sleeping

Of course games....matching the bugs for the little ones

Adorable!!

Showing off their bellies...heeheee!

A bit blurry but what can you expect in almost dark conditions...still love it!

I LOVE this shot...he is a true outdoor boy!

Can you see the pure joy on his face playing baseball!!! He thought he was in heaven!

I took individual shots of each kid

Captured a sweet moment...

The sin within

My head is pounding and I am having one of those moments in life where something small, yet not insignificant happens and you have to face the reality of what it means. Anger, tears, frustration, agony are all emotions that have filled my heart in the past two hours. I am in turmoil over how to parent a child, whose foundation was initially built on the sand and how I desperately want to patch the cracks and move that foundation on to the Rock. I am certain that all children struggle with sin and their struggle to find independence leads to many sad moments of poor choices. I remember a distinct moment of choosing their sinful desire rather than obeying with each of my kids, and now I have Ayana to add to that list. Today, while at the grocery store Ayana stole some candy, hid it in her shirt and I did not discover the truth until half was eaten and we were at home. This is a consistent pattern of behavior, as she tries to take toys from friends house, church, etc, but this was the first time she succeeded in actually stealing. I marched her 3 yr old fanny back to the store and made her talk to the store manager. He was much nicer than I was feeling on the inside, (that is the anger I was feeling) and she really didn't get it. There was no remorse, shame or embarrassment. As I was driving out of the parking lot, doubt in my parenting abilities swirled around in my head. Questions, and more questions began to feed the doubt when I pulled up behind this truck at the light...he had a personalized plate the read "Perseverance". The tears spilled over and ran down my face. Perseverance? That is a major struggle for me...always has been. I want to keep fighting, running the race and what ever else is used to describe perseverance but I feel so hopeless sometimes when the reality of giving her a forever home hits me. I want her to want to be my daughter, I want her to love me unconditionally like my two older kids. I want her to want to please God, me...herself with her choices. I know the foundation we have given Jacob and Samantha but I cannot control if/when/how her foundation may fracture someday, and that scares me. I want her to be happy, to be successful, to feel joy in our family, and I have no idea how to help her feel those things. So in a few moments of crying out to God, (oh and thanking him for the license plate too), I read through Romans 8. The truth...I cannot even control my own birth kids' happiness, joy or ability to love unconditionally. That job belongs to one and only one...GOD. We all have a sin nature we either choose to delight or reject. We all struggle with pleasing God verses pleasing our flesh, and for some it may be a war as opposed to just a battle. I am not sure God's plan for Ayana and our family, and there may be many more moments in the future like this which feels heavy, but the load is not carried by me alone. Our Lord desires for me to turn over my concerns at the same time He wants us to demonstrate His ways too.

"Those who live according to the sin nature have their minds set on what that nature desires,

but those who line in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires." Romans 8:5

Could there be anything more true? Not in this moment...it is exactly what I hope not only for myself, but for my children too. So, yes, did I overreact emotionally to this seemingly small issue, probably, but it did bring up some of my fears and I was able to read God's word, be refreshed and filled with hope. It won't be an easy road, but He has made promises that I cannot forget and I choose to trust in Him to fight for Ayana's heart...and mine too.

Sweet Treat

One of my favorite things as a kid was breakfast for dinner, and that hasn't changed now that I am all grown up. Last night we made from scratch buttermilk pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream...delicious!!! And of course we had to have bacon as a side. We all pounded down these yummy treats. This picture is making me want to eat it again this morning...but I will wait two more days and enjoy it at the cabin this weekend.
PS Shane thinks it is funny that I take a picture of my dinner before I eat...but how could I not, it looks soooooooo good!

Conversation

First, having two almost 3yr olds has created some interesting conversations of late. Both of them talk ALOT! Both of them articulate very well and are easy to chat with regardless of the topic. Second, a little background...we have had to institute "early to bed" as a consequence for choices made during the day, (mostly because all the kids seem to be over tired these day since getting up at 6am seems to be the norm). So while in the truck taking the big kids to school today Nathan asks me this question...(by the way he asks this every day without fail)

Nathan- "Mom, I want watch baseball when we get home."

Me- "Baseball is not one right now, it is too early, they are all sleeping."

Ayana- "Did they make bad choices too?"

Funny kids!!!