First, when Monday came I was already worn out. Shane had spent the two previous weekends out of town with some amazing Godly men studying the bible and holding each other accountable. I couldn't be more happy he has gotten this time away to renew and refresh his soul. However, my noise meter, (you know the one every mother has when she tries to decide if 4:00pm is too early to send everyone to bed because she can't handle the noise anymore) had peaked. I love being a mom, but those of you who do this job without a partner have an amazing gift I do not have. I need my hubby home...I like it when he is home, everything, and I mean everything runs so much smoother. So anyway, Monday comes and it is a Report and Review hearing for Leeah. Her birth parents have been very faithful with visitations but are not in compliance with other parts of the case plan. The caseworker informed me last month they were moving towards changing her case plan but until you actually hear those words you never really believe it will happen. So off to the Durango Juvenile Court house for a 9:30am hearing....oh but wait, we didn't actually get called in until 12:15pm. I was so thankful to my faithful friends and hubby for picking up kids from babysitters and preschool so that I could stay. Quick side note, I felt horrible for the caseworker...she has plenty of other things she needs to be doing instead of sitting outside a court room for 3 hours. In the meantime, while we waited I had a nice little chat with birth dad. Ok, so an irritating chat is more like it. He proceeded to mention something he would like me to do for his daughter which I felt was a little ridiculous and then told me "it's just common sense that you would do this!" Really buddy, common sense? Let's discuss the common sense part of your daughter being in my care from birth. So I put on that fake smile, nodded my head and took deep breaths. Finally, we were called in and both side made their arguments for the change. The judge ruled in fact a change in case plan from re-unification to severance and adoption was in the best interest of the babe. Oh relief!!! With a cautious excitement we will watch over the next few months as more hearings are set and finally the severance trial. I am hopeful that by late spring we will know if Leeah will be adoptable or not. I hug her a little tighter these days. She is a joy...truly!
Moving on to Tuesday, this time it was Nathan's turn to have a Report and Review/Permanency Planning hearing. I had spoke to the caseworker previous and she mentioned the possibility of changing his case plan too. I kinda laughed it off because it was just this past spring we received news that he would most likely be going back to mom before the summer ended. It is an up and down ride for sure! Well, both sides presented their case, and the judge said "I am inclined to change the case plan however the department (CPS) needed to complete the necessary paperwork first." Grrrrrrr....really, this whole case has been filled with people not doing theirr jobs and here we are again, having to delay the best decision for Nathan because someone dropped the ball. So, we go back in 30days for the actual case plan change and then start down the same path as Leeah with Nathan. Also, the ICPC, which was what was favorable to birth mom and the main reason she was going to be getting the boys back, (also filled with lies), is null and void because birth mom has moved and left no forwarding address or phone number. Is Jesus just awesome or what? He keeps saving this boy over and over and I am so faithless at times when I doubt this whole process.
As Wednesday rolled around it was peaks and valleys for sure. See, Nathan's biological brothers live in a home 1 mile from our house with an amazing family whom we have grown very close to. They have had these boys as long as we have had Nathan, 3.5yrs, but their issues are so much more extreme and they have had to make an extremely painful decision to let them go. I have been watching this happen for the past month and it was supposed to come to head this week. It is so hard to watch very close friends have to deal with all the emotions that come with a disruption...especially when for so long they lived under the thought that these boys were going to be permanent. But their needs exceed what this family can do for them and it is time to let another family, with more training and knowledge of their needs take over. God asks us to do what we can and sometimes He also asks us to pass the torch when we are done. It has been emotional for all of us. These boys are perfect little creations of God but with damage only He can fix in the end. We are praying diligently that He finds them the perfect home very soon.
So, with a few more issues that cause me great stress and anxiety happening at the end of the week, I enjoyed a wonderful bowl of fettuccine Alfredo and a couple glasses of wine last night. I woke up this morning feeling so good. Yes, I had given into my love of comfort eating, but hey every once in a while is ok right? The stress of the week seemed to melt away as my morning began and I was so thankful for the time spent with a good friend away from the house. I can honestly say I do prefer the roller coaster to the boring figure 8 track, and I also get to keep working on my attitude when the ride gets bit overwhelming. Giving God all the glory as we wait, watch and see HIS hand move in our lives. Jesus, you rock!
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