SEE

I have been in a whirl of emotions since last night and again today. I just finished ready "Choosing to SEE" by Mary Beth Chapman. It is a beautiful God story of her life with Steven Curtis Chapman, their journey to adoption, the tragic lose of their daughter Maria in May of 2009 and their new "normal" after. I have never read a more amazing story of real life Christian people. I laughed and of course cried through the whole book. I found myself in a bit of envy of the relationship their family has with God and spent some time reflecting on how we can do a better part in ours. I felt like I was reading my life...sort of. I of course am not married to a pop star, although I do think my hubby is pretty amazing. I haven't adopted from China but I can relate almost to well to Mary Beth's struggle with rejection, worthiness, perfectionism and depression. What amazing strength and courage it must have taken to write about such intimate details of their life. Do we or do we not expect our celebrities to live perfectly, show no weakness. I think we do, and here is a woman, bearing her heart and soul to anyone who reads this book. She actually talks openly about her faith and faithlessness at times...how incredible. To see a woman lay it all out there...she has gone through things I would never wish on anyone and is coming out stronger and more righteous. She confronts straight on the lie that Satan tells us and walks faithfully with her Savior. You have to read this book...you have to. While I do not wish tragedy in my life I do hope to walk the path she is walking with my Lord and be able to have a story to share that will bring many to a relationship with God. If I could talk to her right now it would be to say "Thank you...you took what Satan meant for evil, followed God and are turning it into good."

On a side note...I never looked up the meaning of "Hannah" but she included it her book since their first adopted China Princess is Shaohannah. It means..."gift of God's grace." I wept and wept. My God put on our little girls' heart to change her name when we adopted her and picked a name that couldn't be more reflective of His role in her life...rescuing her from abuse, giving her a loving (although at times flawed family), and hopefully bring her into His Kingdom some day. I cannot wait to tell her what He has done for her...my precious gift of God's grace.