I went to the post office yesterday, a place I go to only when I absolutely cannot avoid going. I hate this errand. I hate this errand even more since the 'people' at our post office are, well just plain old crabby. They seem completely bothered by the fact that any one has any postal needs at all. Maybe I haven't given them a fair shake since I go about twice a year...but this is the way it happens every time. Our mailbox lock won't open most days. We have sprayed it with WD-40, beat it senselessly and finally gently coax the key in hope that it will open. Some days it opens...many, many others it does not and we walk away it utter frustration. I caught up one day with our postman and he said I have to go into the post office to create a work order...hence the dreaded trip to the post office, and why not add to my misery and take all the kids!
I was pleasantly surprised once we arrived that there were only about 4 people in line ahead of us. Of course my kiddos mistook the place as the park and were acting like wild monkeys so I quickly snatched them all together and we waited. As kids often do they began asking a lot of questions and I was happy to answer what I knew. It was about this time in the trip that I noticed the two middle aged ladies in front of me staring with questioning looks. (A little background: I have a weird habit of feeling self conscience with I am out with the kids without my wedding ring, and since this was my only errand out of the house I didn't wear mine to the post office.) I smiled at them like I always do and they began talking loudly about a lady they know having all these kids with different daddies and some of them she didn't even know who the daddy was. I was taken a back for a moment. Was my crew the reason this particular conversation came up at this moment? Was my own insecurities playing tricks on my mind with their sense of timing? Either way, I was shot a couple more looks when one of the kids would use an outside voice, or ran screaming away from me. (Yes, I am that crazy lady in just about any store...trust me I am totally aware!!!) I don't think I will ever get used to the looks or ill placed conversations around us when we are places, and truly my hope would be that I can learn to not rush to any judgement off the bat.
What I do know is that God placed a command in the hearts of both my husband and myself to reach out to children without a home. To reach out to children who's parents are not able to care for them in the way they need. To be His hands and His feet...
I have been thinking alot about this whole scene at my 'favorite' post office, (wink wink) and I realize maybe most of the feelings I have are based out of those insecurities I have. I hope to a certain extent they are normal and keep me humble in the path we are on, but I also do not want to be run by those either. I love my children and I love how our family looks even if I get strange conversations around me, or asked how I enjoy doing a daycare in my home. I love my straight haired blondes and my ultra curly black haired babes. I love doing cornrows and making bows. I love buying all kinds of lotions and creams to keep everyone's skin type smooth and healthy. But I especially love being mom to 5 little souls that God has given us charge to. I pray God brings more people with all kinds of questions so I can shout His praise in our life with these kiddos, and I pray that those people I do or do not see staring have the courage to ask questions with an open mind.
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